Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Terry posted yesterday about Pay It Forward:

The idea of the exchange is I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on this blog post requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet, and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog - this means you must have a blog, sorry blogless readers.

This has been making the bloggy rounds. I think I was one of the first three to ask Terry to play, and therefore will get something from Terry in the next year or so (wouldja confirm that for me, Terry dear?). In turn, I will send something to three of you. I'll take the first three commenters who request to be involved. (You can leave a comment without playing, so specify if you want me to send you something!)

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Also, some of you were amused by the conversation about heaven and hell that took place recently between me and the Mafia. You know, redheaded angels with cleavage and all that ... Well, the conversation continued in the comments and in emails. And someone wanted to hear the raunchy jokes, so here goes:

Lucia: (in the comments)
If hell is really more fun, why would anyone want to go to heaven? I think of heaven as an immense yarn store right next to the world's biggest bookstore, which in turn is right next to a food court of all the world's best cuisine (in my version Indian and Greek are featured). And all the stores give unlimited credit, and all the employees closely resemble either Harrison Ford or Dustin Hoffman in their younger days. (Except of course the ones looking after Mafia; she gets to decide whom they resemble.)
(Remind me to tell you all the raunchiest heaven and hell jokes I know.)

Danielle: (starts an email conversation)
Yeah, I don't think the Mafia goes for the Dustin Hoffman types -- old or young! More like the Angelina Jolie types.
The priest at our church told this (not at all raunchy) heaven joke in a sermon recently.

Lucia:
Oh, that was one of the ones I was going to tell you! (only in slightly different form.) Here's one my dad told me:
This macho playboy drives his Maserati over a cliff and wakes up to find himself surrounded by fiery pits, steaming cauldrons, the whole nine yards. "Oh, no," he moans, "I'm in Hell!"
"Now, now," says a large but friendly nearby demon consolingly, "Hell really isn't so bad. Take Mondays, for example. Tell me, did you smoke on Earth?"
"Well, yeah, um, I kept trying to quit..."
"You're gonna love Mondays. We have pipes, cigars, cigarettes, all with the finest tobacco, and you'll never get jittery, and you don't have to worry about emphysema or cancer or anything because you're already dead, right?"
"Um, right," says the playboy. "But what happens the rest of the time?"
"Tell me," says the demon, "did you drink on Earth?"
"Um, yeah..."
"Wait till you see what Tuesdays are like. We have all the best beers and wines, vodka, rum, tequila, gin, you name it, any mixed drink you can imagine, and you never get sick or hung over, and you never have to worry about cirrhosis or heart disease, because you're already dead."
"What about Wednesdays?"
"Did you do drugs on Earth?"
"Uh, yeah, sometimes..."
"We have every drug you could possibly think of, the old standards like marijuana, LSD, heroin, and some new designer drugs that'll knock your socks off, and you'll never get strung out or crash, and you don't have to worry about overdosing because..."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm already dead. So what do you do on Thursdays?"
"Ah, Thursdays! Thursday is my favorite day. Tell me, were you gay on Earth?"
"Certainly not!"
"Oh. Well... you may not care too much for Thursdays."

Danielle:
[Forwards the email to the Mafia]:
From Lucia ... I thought you might enjoy.

Mafia: (replies to both of us)
HHHHHAAAA!!!! Eggggggcellent. At least I know I'm going to the right place.
And Lucia - for the record, Angelina Jolie is #1 on my If Only List. Does Danielle know me or what? Or perhaps she's just emotionally scarred by the Jolie in a bathtub photo that I saved on my work computer? "Hello, Human Resources? Yeah, there's a hostile work
environment in progress on the 6th floor. Could you come up here and have someone take a look at this?"

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Off to class now. Over and out.